Parody inspectorate · not a government service

OfCust

File an inspection

Re-inspect Dearne Lea Tea Room

Six tests if they serve it. Instant shame if they do not. Do not put your real name on the form.

1. The establishment
2. Do they serve custard?
3. Is it bottomless?

A large jug is quantity. Bottomless is policy. They will not stop pouring. That is a legend.

4. The six tests
7/10
Beige crimeHazard yellow
7/10
Yellow waterCoat the spoon
7/10
A rumourBottomless
7/10
Fridge-coldProperly hot
6/10
Stirred to deathUnbroken
7/10
ThimbleLeft on the table
5. Inspector's remarks

0/500

Provisional verdict

Good